


Missing

by gonnaflynow



Series: Eruri Week 2013 [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood, Eruri Week, Feels, M/M, Trauma, all the feels, eruri - Freeform, spoilers for chapter 49
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnaflynow/pseuds/gonnaflynow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi deals with the aftermath of Erwin's lost arm. But why does it feel like he's the one who lost a limb?</p><p>Day Two – Blood</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing

Levi was not afraid of blood. By now it was almost part of his job description, whether it landed in gouts on his blades and cloak from a titan kill or stuck deep in the crevices of his fingernails providing a final moment of comfort to a dying comrade (the corporal scrubbed his hands raw after returning from those missions, though it felt as if the stains left a much deeper mark). 

However, many long years doing the dirty work for humanity had not prepared him for the return of the latest Scouting Legion expedition and Erwin Smith's unmoving body in a horse-drawn cart, wrapped tightly in a blood-soaked cloak. 

For the first time in his memory, Levi felt scared.

Through the hours of grueling meetings and debriefings after their return ( _I guess he named me as his successor_ , Levi thought dimly), the corporal struggled to push down the welling panic growing in the pit of his stomach. Erwin had been rushed to the nearest medical unit upon their arrival, a fresh recruit promising Levi in a cheerily empty voice that the commander would be receiving the best possible care. 

"Would you bet your life on it?" Levi asked sourly. 

The recruit swallowed noisily and made a hasty escape.

After what felt like the third day of meetings and no reports on Erwin's condition, the stress finally got to Levi. He excused himself as politely as he could and bolted from the room, moving as fast as he could towards the hospital wing and cursing his injured leg every time it sent a new spasm of pain radiating up his body.

A few curt remarks and an instance of rank-pulling quickly revealed Erwin's location on the third floor of the building. Levi hobbled up the stairs single-mindedly, not even bothering to acknowledge the staff volunteering the information. A pair of guards awaited him at the end of the hallway, the final barrier between him and Erwin, and after snarling at them with all the menace he possessed to move the fuck out of the way, he was finally granted access to the room.

Levi slammed and bolted the door behind him, briefly resting his head on the rough-hewn wood. He was not going to be disturbed.

Steeling himself, he turned to face Erwin.

It was not immediately apparent from his positioning on the bed that anything was wrong. He was unnaturally pale, hair hanging limply over his forehead, but otherwise appeared normal. 

That changed instantly when Levi walked to the other side of the bed. The missing arm stuck out like a deviant-type titan, blood staining the bandages and the bed linens a deep scarlet.

 _They left without cleaning this up?_ Levi thought angrily, pulling up a stool to the side of Erwin's bed. _Fucking amateurs._

Thankfully, the doctors at least had the foresight to leave a fresh set of dressings on the side table, which Levi wasted no time unwrapping and setting off to the side. He carefully peeled the soiled bandages off Erwin's arm ( _stump_ , he corrected, eyes shifting downward) and began inspecting the damage. 

The cut looked clean, almost suspiciously so. Injuries inflicted by titans tended to be rough-edged and asymmetrical, much like the creatures themselves, yet this one seemed to have a strange kind of surgical precision. Levi wouldn't have been surprised if Erwin had cut himself free, and he was glad to think that the man valued his life over an intact body. The flat wound had since been rounded down, allowing the surgeons to graft it shut with flaps of skin. Angry black stitches stood out against Erwin's pale complex, searing into Levi's skull.

The area around the stitches was still saturated with blood and plasma, so Levi immediately got to work cleaning it with a nearby bottle of antiseptic liquid, making sure not to linger over the sutures. Pleased with the sterile surface, he began to reach for the fresh bandages, but something gave him pause. Out of instinct, he reached for Erwin's hand, but his own hand only met with the quilt. His mouth fell open in delayed shock, hand traveling up the ghost length of Erwin's arm until his fingers brushed the dismaying texture of skin and thickly stiffened silk.

He stroked the arm delicately and fought the sudden violent urge to vomit. 

Levi kicked himself back from the bedside, flipping the stool over in his haste. He fell to the floor with his back against the windowsill, forearm flying to his mouth as he tried to force down the bile and the scream rising in his throat.

_He doesn't have a fucking arm._

His eyes squeezed shut as he bit down on skin to shove back the building flood of tears. 

 _He could have_ died.

_And I wasn't by his side._

A rush of images flooded unbidden into Levi's head: Erwin crashing on the 3D maneuver gear, Erwin's illegible left-handed scrawl, Erwin's cup of tea shattering on the floor, tremors overtaking his natural sense of calm. He groaned and clasped his hands to the side of his head, wishing he could push the thoughts out with physical force, but instead they began to take a sickening personal turn — he saw Erwin struggling to button Levi's shirt in the morning, fingers tenuously running up and down the smaller man's chest in quiet frustration, Erwin pinning Levi to the bed but unable to sustain his weight, Erwin's arm wrapping around Levi and holding him close, but not close enough, never close enough for as long as he lived…

…if he lived, and didn't succumb to infection or blood loss overnight. As invincible as Erwin always seemed, in the end he was only human – he might very well meet the end of most injured soldiers who survived the trip home, their only consolation the chance to die in a comfortable bed.

_I wish I had more time._

In a daze, Levi stood from the floor, picking up the overturned stool and placing it gently back by the bedside. He took the fresh dressings in hand, wrapping the stump of Erwin's arm mechanically, and when he had secured the last fastening, he finally allowed himself to break down into the stifling silence of the mattress, fears and doubts swirling and suffocating in the still of the night. 

He soon fell into a dreamless sleep, head pillowed on his arms and Erwin's name on his lips.

Levi awoke just before the dawn. For a few blissful moments he lay in silence, foggy mind delaying the memories of the previous day, but when he wet his lips and came away with the tang of salt, reality crushed in around him. 

The corporal slowly raised himself from the bed, wiping the sleep and dried tears from his eyes. Erwin still slumbered, peaceful and stoic, but in the few hours respite some of the color had returned to his cheeks, reviving his gaunt cheekbones from their deathly pallor.

Levi immediately reached up and felt for a pulse, shoulders slumping in relief when his fingers counted a strengthened beat. He smiled softly, a thumb running idly over Erwin's jaw.

 _What a pathetic piece of shit I am, getting all torn up over you,_ he grimaced. _I've always told you I don't deal well with emotion, Erwin._ His fingers led a reverent trail across the commander's lips, then across his forehead to sweep his bangs back into place.

Levi stood from the stool, stretching out the tension in his arms and back, and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Erwin's forehead.

"I'm gonna have to go clean up after the mess you've made, so you're not allowed to die until I'm back and you can properly kiss my ass," he murmured, cupping the side of Erwin's face. With pain in his chest and a drag to his step, Levi reluctantly left Erwin's bedside, stepping out into the corridor and hardening his heart once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, typing those tags felt like going through the emo preteen phase I had the fortune to avoid. Luckily, this will be the last of the angst until the end of the week (and the last prompt has a happy ending). Tomorrow will be somewhat of a character study, but it will be a lot more lighthearted. 
> 
> Beta'd by crowley-king of trunks, written by snk-sexual.


End file.
